Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
