I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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