Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
