Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
