wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
