All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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