my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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