should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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