who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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