she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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