I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
