can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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