I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
