O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
