i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
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I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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