They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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