I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I checked into jail on foursquare
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
