Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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