He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
