Sry I called you an 8
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
