i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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