You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
