my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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