ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
