I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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