We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I understand Curling. That high.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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