Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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