Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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