Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
