i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
