she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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