OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Randomize
