Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
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