I feel great
I just peed on a car
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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