If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
