A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
