i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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