Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize