WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
being pregnant is like rehab
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
