you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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