I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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