I just cut my nipple shaving
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
