Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
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It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
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i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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