During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Someone shattered a urinal.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
