dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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