Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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