i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
