i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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