we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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