Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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