didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
