If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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