I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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