Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
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