i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
