This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
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