i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
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