You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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