It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
