Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
