I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
