Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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