just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
